Author Archives: Media Pod Smash!

This week, I present a mini documentary about the history of our Tecmo Super Bowl tournaments, a new segment called “the visual vault” is debuted, and more!

Here is the accompanying video:

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Hope you have been digging these visual experiements. I’m always looking for new ways to grow and entertain. If there’s something you’d like to see, let me know! I will possibly be doing a .5 sometime this weekend to make up for lost time. Until then, Media Pod Smash off!

-Jeremy

In this month’s scripted episode, I revist the topic of sobriety with more in depth details and insight.
Music credit: Karl Casey @ WhiteBatAudio

Here’s the full essay if you’d like to read along:

Sobriety Revisited

By: Jeremy Jordan

Part 1 – Introduction

“He’s on his way. We should go up and watch for him.”

I sat in the basement excitedly in great anticipation, as the words of my friend connected fully with my brain. The words were from one of two of the friends that I was hanging with. For this essay, we’ll just call him ‘J’. As for the other friend, we’ll call him, ‘M’.

From the outside, it looked like another average Friday night for a group of nerdy teens like us. Sitting around chatting or playing games most likely. J would go to a party every once in a while around this era, but certainly not M and I. Not yet. I perhaps painted a picture just now that would make it appear that we were rather unpopular, however, that wasn’t the case. We just had some pretty specific interests and a small select group of individuals that we most liked to hang out with. For a huge chunk of that evening, it was the average night, but after hearing J’s confirmation, it was all about to change. This evening would soon be totally unlike the other weekend nights from the past. I was going to have my first beer.

My friend M and I watched from the front of the house as J made his way over to a truck parked a few houses down. Upon swiftly receiving the goods from the driver, J booked it back down towards us. I thought the running was a pretty odd choice, that probably seemed more suspicious than if he had just casually walked it back, but I wasn’t going to stop him. I was just pumped to try this stuff and see what all the hype was about.

When he finally returned, we all went back inside and headed right into the basement. J placed the beer onto a coffee table and we preceded to sit around it, just basking in its sweet, sweet glow for a while. It was like a scene plucked straight from a raunchy teen comedy. This was no story though, this was a real coming of age moment for us, or so I thought.

The basking came to an end and it was time. We each grabbed a bottle from the six-pack in front of us. Corona was the brand of choice this evening. Looking back now, I’d say that was a pretty damn good choice for a first beer. It could’ve been a much cheaper and shittier selection, and we would’ve been none the wiser. Unfortunately for me, the brand didn’t matter at all. After a few small sips, I started to realize that maybe I wasn’t so crazy about this. My friends seemed to agree with me, that it wasn’t the tastiest thing in the world, but continued to trudge on and make much better progress then I was.

“Guys, I don’t know if I can even finish this first one” I recall saying to them.

“Ah, come on! It’s not that bad!” they replied. Maybe that’s not exactly what they said, but close enough.

The night was quickly transitioning into early morning. Time was not on my side as I sat there with my half empty bottle. No buzz to speak of, no feeling that I was having a coming of age moment that I would one day fondly look back on. None of that, just a couple of annoyed friends who were long done with beer number one. I insisted that they shouldn’t let me slow them down, but they wanted to wait. Part of me thinks that secretly, they weren’t crazy about continuing either and just used me as the scapegoat, but I don’t really know.

When the night finally came to an end, not much more progress had been made. The three remaining beers continued to rest nicely in their case and taunt me while I sat with my friends in the dimly light basement, watching a replay of the ball game from earlier that day. That was that. This would not be the gateway to a life of partying and pounding drinks. This would instead just be an ironic memory from the past.

As you probably know, I would come to really enjoy, actually, strike that. I’d come to love beer and other alcohol. If there was ever a time that I never ended up finishing a beer from that point forward, it was probably because I forgot I had opened it, or was too wasted to do so.

The gateway was coming, it just wasn’t time yet. In fact, it would be a few more years before we would even dabble in this stuff again. We mostly went back to just doing the normal stuff we were accustomed to. It’s hard to imagine that there was a time when I had no interest, but that was truly the case. One particular evening though, the conditions were right. I was ready to give it another go, and things as I knew them, would never be the same again.

Part 2 – Passing Through The Gateway

The first time that I can recall getting really intoxicated for the first time, was at a grad party. I feel comfortable saying this now because enough time has passed and I think just about everyone had some kind of experience with drinking around this time. It was the summer of 2009, we had just finished high school, and the world was ahead of us. I had lots of anxiety about what was to come, but was usually able to push it away rather quickly whenever I felt it start to bubble up. It was summer, the last blast, baby! I could worry about all that future stuff in the fall. For now, my main objective was to live it up with friends and go on crazy adventures that I could one day look back on or even tell stories about to my kids.

I had high expectations set for what I wanted the summer to look like. I foolishly feared that maybe I wouldn’t see some of these great people for quite a while, or worse, ever again. Of course, I was way off in thinking that. I still maintain a lot of quality friendships with folks from that era. Graduation was not some magic force that separated people, especially if the bonds were already tight. Young me was blinded by my fears though. The rational line of thinking wasn’t quite there nor the experience to tell me that it’d all be okay. Instead, it was time to soak it all up and party on.

The grad party was out in the country, at an old farmhouse. It was one of those family and close friends combo parties. The family mostly just stuck around for the early parts: the food, the gifts, you know, all that good stuff. As the sun started setting and the place started to thin out, things started to shift in another direction. What was once an innocent family gathering, was soon going to become a rowdy and drunken evening. I sat on a deck with good friends on both sides of me. In front of us was a table with leftover dinner items and various desserts. Next to the table there were two kegs. One keg with cream soda and the other with beer. My mind flashed back to that introductory experience.

I still remembered every nasty detail of those first few tastes. I couldn’t even finish that bottle, so I really wondered how this was going to go. A friend assured me that this would be much better, as beer from a keg is always better. I also remember hearing that it was an acquired taste, so I guess it got better with time. With those things in mind, I thought, “screw it”. It was go time.

I grabbed a red Solo cup and poured myself a drink. I took a small sip and let the taste dance around in my mouth and brain, as if I were at a fancy wine tasting event in Napa Valley, and not just some random grad party in the middle of bumfuck nowhere.

Much better. I could work with this, I thought. It wasn’t the greatest thing in the world, but way better tasting than that first one. I could most definitely finish this one, and probably a few more. As the night went on, I was also introduced to a flavored Leinenkugel’s. Holy shit. This was the ticket right here.

By my third drink, I started feeling a buzz and started to finally understand why people liked to do this. I forgot to mention, but this party also had a bouncy castle. This encouraged our rowdiness and became a highlight of the party. As I kept the drinks flowing, so did my friends. Buzzed became drunk pretty quickly. Lots of the events were hazy, but I do know there was lots of shouting and laughing, many trips to the bounce house, and at one point, I recall doing a bad Optimus Prime impression after finding a toy truck in the yard.

The next morning, I felt a little rough, yet at the same time, really great. That was how you kickoff a summer! My friends and I tried to piece together the evening as we woke and got ready for the day. We all had different recollections, but all agreed that we needed to do this again soon.

It wouldn’t take long before we did do it again, and again, and again. That particular summer didn’t have a ton of drinking opportunities for us, but things would change. I found out quickly how wrong I was about not seeing my friends anymore. Lots of my friends ended up going to school in state, and nearly all came back home for major holiday breaks.

Around this time, I wouldn’t have called myself a major drinker. The only time I would drink, would be if I went to an event that provided it. As previously stated, those opportunities were limited at first. I commuted to school and booze was pretty hard to come by. The Fall and Spring would have their moments, but by Summer of 2010, I was re-united with many of my close friends, and it was on. We were young and free, and ready to make some magical moments. There was no thought or fear that this could lead to anything negative. When you feel like you are on top of the world, I guess your brain doesn’t want to consider such things.

Part 3 – The Top of The World

Over the course of the next couple of years, my friends and I would become quite the party animals. We no longer just waited for drinking opportunities to present themselves to us, we created them. Drinking became the number one pastime. Nearly every weekend there was a house party or some other type of get-together where we could get up to all kinds of shenanigans. Each different party became a new story and memory for the data-bank. The bond between my group of friends seemed to be growing stronger than ever. Was it the alcohol? At the time, it sure seemed like that. I knew that even back then, I didn’t need it to have fun, and the same story-worthy, memorable moments happened before we discovered drinking, but it sure seemed to help amplify things.

One of my favorite memories from this era, was an overnight bonfire party in town. The bonfire party was a consecutive thing for a few years in a row, and tons of people attended each time. During one of those years, we’d end up getting our alcohol stolen and I would turn this story into a screenplay. The memory that I am speaking of though, was not that. It was actually a memory of the first time we attended. It was an evening where things just seemed to be going so right and I had felt like I was firing on all cylinders. I was all hopped up on a bunch of wine coolers, socializing with people that I usually never would’ve, thus giving myself a boost of confidence and esteem. Whether I was actually being smooth and coherent didn’t matter. In my head, I was doing great, and that made for a fantastic evening.

I was really enjoying my view from the top. I was a much more social person, I was having a great time, and much like that Summer of 09, it appeared that the world was still ahead of me. The problem was that time moves fast, especially if you are constantly in a drunken stupor with no real plan of action. Before you know it, you wake up one morning, look out your window, and you realize, “oh shit. That world isn’t looking so far ahead of me anymore.”

By the end of 2012 into 2013, I quote, unquote, took a break from school to figure things out. With the absence of schooling, I started working full time in retail hell. Often, I would feel pretty anxious and depressed, but I thought that it just came with the territory. I really wasn’t super concerned. It was most likely because of my job, I thought. I wouldn’t stay long and things would be all good again. After all, I had big dreams, damn it! I was going to be somebody! Everything was totally fine. Besides, the bad feelings weren’t always there. On weekends, I was still having the time of my life. People were still around, there were plenty of parties to be had, and I had started a little podcast called Media Pod Smash with one of my friends from retail hell. It was around this time that I also found out about a little thing called Nicotine, which helped to ease some of my weekly tensions.

Most weekends, I found myself still going to a lot of college parties, as even though I had quit, my friends were much better decision makers and continued to attend. I recall lots of various evenings partying in dorms or roaming the streets hopping from house to house, meeting all sorts of wacky characters. These types of parties introduced me to lots of different people and experiences. With those experiences came new substances to try. On top of the alcohol and nicotine, I also ended up trying [REDACTED], as well as [REDACTED], a few times. College was a time for experimenting, right? Even if I wasn’t actually attending anymore myself.

Not once during any of this, did I think that I had a problem, or was heading toward one. To me, it was all gravy, baby! I still had big ambitions and goals and just had a feeling that it was going to be all good. Plus, everyone around me was doing the exact same thing. This was just what young people were supposed to do, I thought. This was a phase that we would burn ourselves out of eventually and then really start our lives. I don’t know why I had myself fooled like this when there were so many indicators that things weren’t right. The fact that I had gotten myself hooked on nicotine was an indicator, random long benders during extended periods of time off was definitely an indicator. Some nights before an early shift of work, I’d drink and try to power through the next day with little to no sleep. Uh, yeah, that was an indicator too. These things should’ve been signs that change was in order, but again, I was too high up at the top of my own little world. I wasn’t reading any signs.

Eventually, lots of exciting new life changes started happening. Not exactly to me, but all around me. College was coming to an end for just about everyone and many of my close friends got married. Folks were ready to move on and mature. We would still all be really good friends, but it appeared that the days of going hard and partying all night long, were coming to an end.

I wasn’t ready to accept this; not just yet. I stood up in defiance and looked out over the metaphorical ledge. I still loved the view from up here, however, unbeknownst to me, the foundation that I stood upon was slowly starting to deteriorate. When the foundation would no longer support me, that was it. No back-up platforms, no parachute. A scary and intense free fall to the bottom. No matter how much control I thought I had, a dive was coming, and when you go from all the way to the top of the world to the bottom of a pit in a relatively short time, the impact really fucking hurts, man.

By the Summer of 2016, the shit had really hit the fan. At this point, just about everyone had moved on. I managed to make it out of retail, but I had a ton of other issues that I faced. I was still hopelessly addicted to nicotine gum, I was drinking all the time, and if you recall from the essay where this all started, I was at my all time highest weight and could no longer fit into my favorite orange button up shirt. The podcasts and other media projects that I was working on had all been abandoned. I rarely felt inspired and was lucky if I could just muster up a couple paragraphs in a notebook. What had I become? This wasn’t supposed to be how life ended up for me. Just a few years ago, we were flying so high.

The indicators that I missed previously, were not lost on me this time. I knew that I needed to fix my shit or the consequences would be dire. To my credit, I did do that, kinda. Over the course of the next year, I slimmed back down through diet and slowing way down on the drinking. I thought that I had successfully figured things out, and was ready to go back to business. I could relaunch the pod, start writing again, whatever else! I’d get back on track in no time and join my friends in some wonderful conversations about all those crazy times. I’d look back and be happy with how much I’d grown, hell, maybe I’d even write a book about all my experiences.

I was wrong, way wrong. I was able to feel good about my small achievements for a short while, but I never got to the root of why I had gotten into the situation that I found myself in, in the first place. There was no reflection at all, really. There were just some actions that acted as a band-aid over a massive gash. I thought that I had pulled myself up from the bottom, but in all reality, just built a temporary platform to stand on. Like the first, much higher platform that I once stood on, this one was also deteriorating. It wouldn’t be long before, poof! No more platform and a fall back down to the bottom.

Part 4 – The Bottom of The Pit and Beyond

Between 2017 and 2018, things remained pretty steady. I thought I was doing pretty well, even though a lot of my bad habits remained. I still continued to chew nicotine gum, didn’t have the greatest mindset, and though it did slow, the drinking continued. The band-aid was peeling off and the cold, reality of my situation was about to smack me in the face.

In order to avoid retreading too much on things that I already wrote about, I’ll try and plow through the next couple years. To prevent what I thought would soon be a repeat of that Summer of 2016, I quit chewing the nicotine gum. To many people, this probably doesn’t sound all that significant. To me, it was an Earth shattering, life changing event. It had quite a hold on me and the decision that I made to leave it behind was enormous.

I quit cold turkey. At the beginning, I was a miserable son of a bitch who had lots of struggles, but I held on tight and never gave up. As time progressed, so did I. With each step up the metaphorical ladder of growth, I gained more clarity and confidence in myself. Soon, I didn’t even think about the gum anymore. Instead, I became focused on the familiar views from the top of the ladder.

In the background of my battle, there were some very tragic personal things going on, however, I’d felt that I was coping with everything very well. I became a more active person, had tons of energy, and was generally just feeling really good about my whole situation. Like the band-aid of dieting and slowing down my alcohol consumption during the end of that wild summer all those years ago, the act of quitting the gum and getting active was just a temporary fix. This time, it was a much better and stronger band-aid, but there were still some other issues being covered up.

Just before hitting the year mark of no nicotine, I experienced the loss of my Mom. Shortly after that, the entire world experienced Covid. A spiral started to happen. It was very subtle at first. There were a few insane nights out and some miserable mornings that followed. Eh, who cares about that. I was doing all the right things in every other aspect of life. Besides, I was in pain. If there was ever a time for a free pass, surely it was right here and now, right? Of course, I know how wrong that is. Everyone goes through shit all the time. You still have a responsibility to be present and give it your all. You don’t get a free pass to act on whatever foolish desires that you have just because you have been dealt a bad hand in life.

In the ensuing months, things continued to get worse. Some nights I’d go out, come home after bar close, wake up the next morning from my stupor, and barely remember a thing. Sometimes I felt like the biggest piece of shit in the world. I’d continue to mark the days on my calendar, but there were no achievements to celebrate or anything noteworthy to write down in any of the tiny, daily boxes. I actively kept a journal going around this time and most of the entries would be me pleading with my self to slow down or stop altogether. I was heading down a terribly destructive path and I knew it, but I just couldn’t stop. I sought out advice from others at times, even though I knew exactly what the answer was. The best way to alievate the shame and awfulness that I was going through was to get to the source. I had to rip the band-aid right off. I needed to look inward and examine my feelings, my motivations, my pain. I needed to get to know myself all over again, even if it wasn’t always pretty at times.

There was no big ah-ha moment that lead me to finally quitting, just the knowledge that I had already done something similar with the nicotine gum. I was also just getting really tired. I was going to be entering into my 30’s and I knew that time was ticking. I couldn’t let my legacy be that I was just some apathetic loser who tried to do some stuff once, failed, and never tried again. I still had a chance to right the ship, and even though my life was not what it once had been, nor would some aspects ever be the same, I became motivated. I thought of my Mom and all of her struggles. She did her best to give me a wonderful life in spite of everything she faced and the least I could do was honor her by being the best person that I could be.

Quitting was no easy task. I didn’t experience a lot of the physical stuff that came with quitting nicotine, just a lot of mental stuff mostly. My biggest struggle was in figuring out what I would do with my newfound time and in figuring out who I really was now. Much of my identity had been this heavy drinking party guy for so long. Now what?

With each new day, I started to learn some things about myself. I began finding fulfillment in more simple things. Something like a contemplative walk on a beautiful day was fulfilling to me. What became the biggest time filler in my alcohol free life, was doing creative projects again. Throwing myself into a project that I cared about was extremely fulfilling. I didn’t and still don’t care if anything that I do ever finds a huge audience. It would surely be nice, but I do it selfishly. Every recorded audio, video, or written piece has allowed me to express myself and bring me lots of joy in ways that I never thought I could obtain without the help of a substance.

On top of the simple and creative things, I found new meaning and appreciation in relationships in life. Throughout my 20’s I took a lot of friendships for granted. I expected consistency without putting in a lot of the effort that relationships need in order to flourish. I still am not perfect with this, but I have identified the important people in my life that have helped me and will continue to try my best to maintain those relationships and let them know that they are meaningful to me.

As I sit here today, I’m almost two years alcohol free. I didn’t think that I’d ever be able to say that. There were times where it seemed like even going a couple days in a row would be quite a feat. I’m not going to lie, I still think about it sometimes. I often paint negative pictures of my experiences with substances, but there was lots of fun moments too. I do miss the wild adventures sometimes, though I don’t plan on going back to that life. If I want to achieve all the crazy things on my list of to-dos before the end and continue to honor my Mom’s legacy, I simply can’t.

About a week ago at the time of this writing, I got to see some dear friends of mine. We all decided to meet in the very lovely town of Lake Geneva at a wine bar. I know what you’re thinking, “oh no. Is this going to have some horrible twist ending?” Quite the contrary.

There was no pressure from anybody at all, in fact, lots of support. I didn’t ever feel like I needed to partake in the drinking with everyone else. I drank my N/A option and remained present in the moment. We told stories and shared many laughs. It was like I had stepped into a time machine and nothing had changed. I had finally felt like I had achieved the thing that I was looking for during all of those many hazy nights in the past; self-acceptance. I sat at the table and felt secure. I knew who I was and I really like me. I’m still really flawed, but we as humans all are. I know that every day I’m attempting to be a little bit better than I was, and that’s what matters. When I arrived home after this group hangout, I felt like I was back on top of the world. Only this time, the foundation that I stood upon was much, much more solid.

An undeniable truth that I now believe, is that no matter how bleak the situation seems, you have the power to pull yourself back up from the darkness. You have an inner ability that can cause ripples and inspire others. You can change the fucking world. At times it’ll be really hard and seem like life is throwing everything that it has at you, but if you stand tall and put up the best fight of your life, for your life, you’ll make it. Trust me.

Media Pod Smash off!

-Jeremy

This week I take a dive back into the vault and look at two different clips. Clip one is a discussion about the film we tired to make from 2011 and clip two is some bonus content from just a few episodes ago.

Hope you enjoyed some of those old memories! Next week will be a scripted episode if all goes to plan. Stay tuned!

-Jeremy

This week I get visual! The topic of Halloween is discussed, I give a studio tour, and more!

Here’s the video version:

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Music Credit: Karl Casey @ WhiteBatAudio
Additional FX and Music: Storyblocks

That’s all for now! Hope you enjoyed this break from format. We’ve got lots more coming your way soon!

-Jeremy

This week, Ryan and I discuss April Fools, frustrating games, I introduce a couple new segments, and more!

Hope you enjoyed this week’s more traditional type of episode. Stay tuned for a special announcement coming later this weekend!

-Jeremy

In addition to the small steps scripted episode, please enjoy this companion pod! In this special episode, I talk about the good old days of trying to be a flash artist, I attempt to pitch an ad, and we look to the future!

In this month’s scripted episode, I tackle the topic of small steps by telling a fable and talking about some real life examples.

As always, to read along here is the essay:

Small Steps

by: Jeremy Jordan

Part 1 – Introduction

Long ago, some really smart and inspirational dude already summed things up pretty well. “The journey of 1000 miles begins with a single step”. So, I guess that about does it for this essay. Media Pod Smash off!

What’s that? I already made a similar stupid joke like that in a previous entry and you aren’t falling for it? Okay. You got me. That quote is really good, but it certainly lacks some substance. And of course by substance, I mean convoluted examples and stories relating to the main topic.

With that said, I’d like to tell you a fable. I’m certainly no Aesop, and there aren’t any talking animals or other fantastical creatures in my story, but I do think there’s some rock solid lessons. Please enjoy this little tale that I’d like to call, “The Pit, The Wizard, and The Dreamer”:

Once upon a time, there lived a young hero named James. He was extremely handsome. Alright, he was actually a little rough around the edges if I’m going to be perfectly honest. He often skipped past basic grooming and upkeep. To him though, it didn’t matter. What difference would it make to someone who lived in a literal pit.

James spent his life living in the depths of this pit. He had no memories of prior. He only knew the pit. The pit was massively deep. It had a long, winding staircase along the walls, starting from the bottom and leading all the way up to the surface. The top surface of the pit was a mysterious area that always called to James. It fascinated him. Day and night, it invaded his thoughts like a virus invades a PC after going down a stupid, sexy, and depraved internet rabbit hole.

The staircase in the pit was the only way in or out and it constantly reminded James that there was much more to life than what he was currently experiencing. Over the years, he tried many times to leave the pit. Some days, the first few sets of stairs were cake and it seemed like the top wasn’t all that unrealistic. Other days though, it was a miracle if he could just will himself up a set or two.

It was very disappointing, but James was never too broken up about it. The pit was not as bad as you would think. This was not some musty, dark, rat-infested hole in the ground. It was a comfortably furnished pit with beautiful rug that really tied everything together. If he never reached the top to find out what else was out there, he felt that he could still die somewhat satisfied. Still though, the glory that was the surface of the pit was incredibly hard for James to ignore.

On certain mornings, the sun would shine through and hit at just the right angle, making the pit look warm and inviting, like something that would be featured in Better Homes and Gardens (or in this case, Better Pits and Gardens). At night, the stars and moon would shine through and illuminate the pit in a very beautiful fashion. “What a sight! One day, if I ever do make it out, maybe I could even go visit that crazy looking moon up there”, James would often think to himself, while laying back and taking it all in. Unfortunately, what James didn’t know was that few had ever achieved such a feat. He’d either need to go through years of intense training or become a rich douche-bag. Neither of these was waiting for James at the end of his path and there would be no space travel. However, that didn’t mean that there weren’t still some other great things awaiting him.

One evening, James had a particularly tough time trying to sleep. He tossed, turned, attempted self-hypnosis, but nothing worked. After what seemed like hours, he shot up and said, “F it!”. If sleep was not going to be an option, he’d try to make his way out of the pit once more. He thought, if nothing else, the activity would help wind him down at least. James readied himself some supplies and dropped them into a backpack. Then, he suited up, strapped on his bag, and made his way over to the first step. With a deep breath, he planted one foot up onto the first step, followed quickly by the next. “This part is always so simple. Why can’t the whole damn thing be like this?”

Most of James’ failed climbing attempts would end with a nap, then a long trek back down to the pit. Sometimes, the stairs would inexplicably retract, creating a slide that transported him quickly back down to the bottom. This was certainly a puzzle. Even on some of the tries in which he wasn’t nearly exhausted to the point of wanting to quit, it didn’t matter. Poof! No stairs. This mystery really annoyed James because there was no accounting for this, though it was very rare.

A couple hours passed and many sets of stairs were conquered. James was making great pace, but his eyes were starting to get heavy and remind him that he had not slept yet. Turned out that some activity really did the trick in helping wind him down and now, the idea of getting to the top would continue to remain just a dream.

James grabbed a water out of his backpack and slowly lowered himself onto one of the steps to sit and rest. He then bunched up his bag and put it behind his head as a makeshift pillow. “Just a few minutes”, James said to nobody in particular, as nobody else was in the pit with him. At least, that’s what he thought to be true.

The instant that James closed his eyes, he was out. Apparently, climbing stairs continuously was a great cure for insomnia. When he finally awoke, the bright morning sun was shining on his face and he was back in his own bed, in the pit. It was strange, but not as strange as the figure that loomed over him. The figure was a tall, scraggly, man with a long white beard and pointy hat. He looked like a wizard that was currently unemployed and liked to hit the bottle hard.

“What the hell?! What’s going on? Are you some kind of out of work wizard?”, questioned James as he tried to get his bearings.

“Out of work? What the hell is that supposed to mean?!”, the figure snapped back.

“Well,” James said, “It’s just that you look a little rough.”

The figure stiffened up and dramatically started at James. “I’m not an out of work wizard, okay?! My name is Fred and I’ve got news for you, buddy boy! You’re not looking so great yourself. Now listen up! I know what you’re trying to do and I know how to help you.”

“Oh yeah? How?” James questioned.

At this point, James was more awake and sitting up in bed while continuing his conversation with the odd, possibly magical wizard fella.

Fred cleared his throat and continued. “The how is actually pretty simple. It may even sound like I’m just giving you some surface level nonsense but you gotta trust me. I’ve made it out of the pit. I know exactly what it’s going to take for you to follow in my footsteps.”

James narrowed his eyes with suspicion. “If you’ve made it out already, why come back?”

“Simple. I really like to help people. You know yours isn’t the only pit, right? There’s tons of pits and nearly all of them contain people just like you. In fact, I had a pit right next to yours. We were pit-mates, buddy! By the way, do I even want to ask about those odd noises I heard through out various nights? Anyway, as I was saying, your key to climbing out of the pit is simple: You need to focus more on the process and stop looking at the top.”

“Really? That’s it?” James rolled his eyes and let out a small sigh. “What about when they suddenly retract and the whole thing becomes one giant slide back to the bottom?

Fred paused for a moment and slowly scratched his beard in thought. “Well, that certainly is an odd one. Maybe there’s some sort of lesson in that. Getting to the top isn’t supposed to be easy, you know. Though I’ve gotta hand it to ya, I’ve never heard that one before. What were you feeling at the time? Some nerves and doubt perhaps?”

“Uh, yeah. Perhaps.” Replied, James.

Fred nodded his head. He then began slowly making his way out of James’ room. Before exiting completely, he turned back with one last request.

“Try the climb again. This time, focus on what is in front of you, not the top. While you make the trek, feel what you need to feel, but do your best not to dwell on these feelings for long. If you can manage that, you’ll be out of here in no time.”

With that, Fred finally disappeared into the other room. James continued to sit up in his bed and stare. He felt a mix of emotions. He was excited to try once again with the new insight, but definatly apprehensive. He had no reason to trust this guy, but nobody else had ever come around to offer any sort of advice or help before, so he figured it was worth a shot. If he was going to do this though, he had some more things that he really wanted to know first. Without hesitation, James shot out of bed and tried to see if he could catch his new pseudo-wizard friend.

“Hey!” bellowed James, as he made his way into the living room. Fred had not gone far. He was sitting next to the fireplace, thumbing through an old dirty magazine.

“You know, you really shouldn’t just leave these lying around in the open like this.”

“Fred, I’ve got so many more questions!”

Fred leaned back and closed his magazine. “You ask too many question and are spending way too much time with prep. The key to succeed is to just do it. However, if you do want a little bit more guidance, I do have an e-book for sale with a few more tips and tricks.”

“Nah, I’m good. I’m just going to go for it Fred. I’m getting the hell out of here!” James raised his fist with enthusiasm.

“That’s the spirit!” Fred shouted.

Like before, James readied himself. He filled his backpack with supplies, got mentally psyched up, and made his way towards the large, winding stairs. While all of this took place, Fred continued to watch from the comfort of his chair, occasionally flipping through pages of the magazine.

At first glance, James’ new journey seemed like any other, but with his new insight and motivation, he felt much different this time. Getting to the top seemed much less like a pipe dream, and instead was something much more reasonable. After a few hours, James was on pace to beat his old time and make it further than ever before. He was getting so close to the surface that he felt he could almost reach out and touch it.

James looked down and shouted to Fred for reassurance. “You seeing this shit, man?”

Fred said nothing. He was lost in his magazine and just semi-listening to his surroundings. He caught enough of James’ words to give a half-heated thumbs up.

With all the excitement and momentum, James was sure this was going to be it. After all the let downs and lonely nights inside the pit, he was finally going to make it out. What would be the first thing he’d do? There were so many possibilities running through his head. Maybe he’d make friends with other surface dwellers or learn more about that crazy and fascinating moon up there. Thoughts continued to race as he continued his ascension. Higher and higher, he proceeded until suddenly, POOF! The steps disappeared out from under him with that familiar mechanical retracting sound of defeat.

James was absolutely stunned as he slid his way back down to the bottom of the stairs and back into the pit. A sudden rage brewed inside and he snapped on his new friend. “What gives?! You said I’d succeed with your tips, but here I am again, right back in this mother F’n pit!”

Fred calmly closed the magazine and looked up at James. He was already locked and loaded with exactly the right words for the moment. After all, he’d made the journey himself and seen so many others attempt it too.

“Just because you have insight and motivation doesn’t mean you’ll get it right away. You can and probably will still fail a bunch of times but if you persist and keep at it, you’ll have it in no time!” Fred looked up in thought for a moment before continuing. “That, and you could always buy my e-book. Lots of valuable tips in there for ya and access to our growing online community!”

James shook his head. “I’m good. I’ll just keep trying.”

And try James did. Attempt after attempt, he held his goal close to his heart and focused on the process of getting out. On the sessions in which the stairs didn’t retract, he’d always beat his old record. With his continued determination, it wasn’t long before James’ dreams became a reality. With one last heroic grasp and a quick pull, he reached the sweet, sweet surface. It was bright, glorious, and something that was far better than anything James could’ve imagined. There was just one thing he happened to notice, one small hang-up that made him question his newfound success. That one thing was actually a series of things placed all around the surface. Large, multi-layered platforms, each with their own unique sets of stairs leading to the tops. How could this be? James sat in place, exhausted and confused. “More surfaces to reach?!”

Suddenly, with a thick cloud of smoke, Fred appeared in front of James. “Of course. You didn’t think this was it, did you? The top is never really the top. There’s always going to be more surfaces to try and reach. Get it? That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t bask and celebrate this achievement. I think you accomplished something truly incredible. Just don’t go getting fat and complacent on me.”

After a small, awkward pause, James replied. “First of all, I knew you were a fucking wizard. Second of all, okay. I think I actually get it. I’ll enjoy my time up here for a while and then set some new future goals. Thanks wizard.”

“Shut up!” Fred yelled, “I don’t need all these surface dwellers knowing that I’m an actual wizard.”

“But you’re wearing a long coat, pointy hat, and have a flowing white beard. You know that everyone walking around already probably assumes you’re a wizard, right? Anyways, I noticed you’ve still got a pretty tight grasp on that magazine. You planning on giving it back to me?”

Fred’s grasp tightened further. “You planning on buying my e-book?”

James shook his head. “I think you know the answer to that.”

“Then I think you know that you’re not going to be getting back the skin mag. Goodbye and good luck James. Text Wizard to 4456 if you change your mind about the whole e-book thing. Seriously man, lots of great personal development stuff in there.”

And with that the wizard disappeared. James was a bit weird-ed out by the situation, but extremely grateful in knowing that thanks to the lessons and kindness of this random wizard, he could do just about anything he dreamed and his life would never be the same again.

The end.

Section 2 – Fruit Flavored Chemical Fun

For the remainder of the essay, I’m going back to reality. I do hope you enjoyed my fable though. Obviously, a lot of what I tried to touch on was the power of small steps by mostly talking about a man trying to ascend real steps (a creative genius move, I know).

When we first create a goal or start up a new project, it can feel really overwhelming. Much like our friend in the pit with all the stairs, some things we set out to do require multiple steps and can seem like quite a hurdle. Does chunking stuff down really make a difference? Hell yes! I’ve seen it in real life and I wholeheartedly believe. Was that always the case? Not exactly. In the past, I’d have many short stints of things that always ended before they ever really had a chance to get going. Working out, for example, was one of these things. I remember many times feeling manic and getting the urge to eat better and workout, but it was like a fire cracker. I’d have a positive week or two where I’d eat better, sleep better, and suffer though activity, then bang! It’d all blow up and I’d be back to my old habits.

Similarly, it was like this with trying to quit Nicotine. I know that I’ve really rammed this topic down people’s throat’s in other essays, but wait, there’s more! Believe it or not, 2019 was not the first time that I ever tried to quit. My battle actually started much earlier than that. A battle that I would straight up lose, but that was okay. What I didn’t know at the time, was that the failure was setting the table for a future fight.

When I first tried to quit, I was probably about a couple years into the addiction. At this point, I knew how crazy it was that I continued to chew this shit, but in a strange way, I thought it was helping me at times and I couldn’t stop. On this particular day, I decided that I was really going to try my best to knock this off. I don’t know if anything prompted it, but I’m pretty sure I know of at least two factors that made me pick that day.

Factor one, I was out of gum. It was a Sunday morning. I woke up from a drunken stupor from the previous night, and immediately my nicotine sense started to tingle. No gum. Damn! Something that I find sort of sad now that I look back, is how much I would panic if I ran out. If I ran out while I was in a position where I couldn’t quickly acquire more, it got worse. The panic would turn into anxiety and the whole rest of the day would be totally unfocused until I finally did get some more.

Once while I was at a convention for the weekend, I ran out of gum on the last day. Normally, I was pretty good at making sure that I always had a huge supply of nicotine gum with me whenever I went on trips, but I must’ve gone really crazy with it the previous nights or just had not brought as much as I thought. Unfortunately, I had no car to use and we were not near any places that I could purchase more. I did a little research and found out that if I walked a few miles, there was a store that had some. Jackpot. To make a long story short, I preceded to make the trek. A journey that was long and winding, went through the rough terrain of a small forest, and eventually into a sketchy looking neighborhood. With me on the journey, was my girlfriend at the time, who I’m sure was wondering what she had gotten herself into. It was the last day of the convention and instead of going to panels or checking out artist alley, she was going on an insane hunt for fruit flavored chemicals with her even more insane boyfriend. If you somehow read or hear this, sorry about that. At least we got so see some cool nature.

As for factor number two, I was really hungover. Upon waking up from the stupor and noticing that there was no gum to be had, I realized, I’m not feeling all that great. This is a pretty distant memory and I have no idea what I did the night before, I just know I was paying for it that morning. I was feeling so crappy that I was okay with not having any gum at the moment. My main focus was just getting out of bed to start the day. As the day went on, I started to feel a little better, but at this point had already decided no gum today and if all goes well, maybe no gum ever again. I stayed true to the promise of no gum that day, even when I was real close to a convenience store at one point and could’ve easily caved, I didn’t.

The next day I decided that the no gum ever again wish was going to have to wait. I ended up buying another pack of gum early in the morning, quickly killing the quitting experiment. I remember thinking to myself, oh well, I guess this is just who I am. This shit can’t be all that bad for you, right? I know that’s madness and I was just making excuses while trying to make myself feel better, but quitting was hard. At the time I don’t know why it was so difficult, though as of right now, I totally get it. It was my lack of reasons and no concrete plan to speak of. I had no knowledge of the power that came from taking small steps and breaking things down.

It took some time, but eventually all of that did change. I’d end up coming up with some pretty damn good reasons and learn the power of taking small steps. It was a simple concept, almost too simple to believe. Could chunking things down and taking tiny steps really work? I should have known the answer because I had already done it. There had been numerous examples of it working in the past for various projects and goals. In those moments, I just didn’t realize I was implementing any sort of strategy; things just happened to work and I thought, “oh, cool”.

With all of that in mind, quitting was still hard as hell. The first day felt a lot like the other day one from all those years ago. The major difference was that I was not actually out of gum, however I was probably still hungover from the night before.

So, how did I actually use the power of small steps? I’m sure you are wondering since it’s the main focus and all we’ve gotten so far was a fable that kind of relates and a story of failure from the past. Well, just like the wizard in my story, what I’m about to say will sound like surface level nonsense, but I’m telling you, this is what a lot of it came down to. The power of small steps is just taking small steps. A common phrase often associated with people trying to quit a nasty substance or booze is, “one day at a time”. That’s how I did it. The first day I felt anxious and depressed. I wanted gum so badly and the thought of doing this for the rest of my life was insane to me. How could I last that long? That was a tall order, but one day certainly wasn’t. I knew that I could last a day. Even when I was in much worse shape all those years back, I could even last a day. The next day, I still struggled but again, I just thought to myself, one more day.

As time went on, I slowly started to add some things on to my quitting as a way to replace the old bad habit with a new good habit. I started with very light workouts. Like, I’m talking just the most basic of mat exercises. Shit that we’d do to warm up in elementary school gym. Small steps. From there it slowly started to evolve and before I knew it, I was running all over town and lifting weights. I had gotten into the best shape of my life and at a certain point, I stopped thinking about nicotine completely.

Not only do small steps help in making large goals seem more manageable, they also do another cool thing; they compound. As you start checking things off of your list, one small win turns into another, then another, then one more, and before you know it, you don’t even recognize the person you’ve become. After I quit and made some lifestyle changes, I would go on to quit drinking, create more creative writing, video, and audio content in one year than I probably had during most of my life, and am currently in the process of writing a book. Like, literally right now. If you are reading this in book format, awesome! It’s done! Thanks for buying my book. If you are listening via audio or reading on the blog, consider this the first official announcement.

I say these things not to brag. I by no means have everything figured out in my life, and I’ve still got lots of platforms to climb. I just say all of this to try and inspire you. I’m a normal guy who overcame struggles with the help of small steps. It wasn’t an easy course, but damn it, I pulled it off, and even though I probably don’t know you, I do know that you can do it too; anybody can! Humans are fucking amazing. All it takes is the decision and one simple step.

Section 3 – The Wrap Up

We are back to form with this essay, and with that brings the inspirational person of the month. The inspiring person this month is Kary Duncan. She is a three time cancer survivor who has shared her story and helped others through the process by providing some details about what it was like. Duncan explained to the news, “The last 10 years, people have reached out to me knowing what I’ve gone through, what is it like to be in the hospital? What does it like to get this treatment or that treatment,” and went on to say, “And there’s a lot of comfort in talking to someone who’s gone through this experience.” After having gone through this, Kary and her husband are now dedicated to giving back and supporting cancer research. She sounds like an amazing person and I’d say this certainly makes up for the lack of a wrap up in the last essay.

As for the homework, two months ago I had asked for you to reflect and see if you could gain any useful insight. I hope that you were able to do so successfully. This month, think about something you’ve had on your list for a long time. It’s time to do that thing. Perhaps you’ve approached it from the wrong angle and kept thinking about the end result instead of the steps to get to the end. If that’s the case, try chunking it down and see if that helps. Maybe I’m wrong and you’ve already tried this method. If that’s the case, try it again anyway! You have nothing to lose by trying once more. Nothing feels better than a completed goal and the momentum that comes with it. Well, maybe a few things, but you get what I’m saying.

Always remember how much power you have inside and know that if there’s nobody in the cheering section for you, you can be the one to lift yourself up. That, and I’ll be your cheerleader too. Go, you! You’re awesome! Now get to stepping, the clock is moving fast.

Media Pod Smash off!

A little late with this one, but this week, I take a look at some recent memories from the vault and give a quick game review.

Hope you enjoyed this vault episode! If you’re looking for more beefy content, stay tuned! Your wish will be granted in the next couple months. Stay tuned for MPS 128 later this weekend!

-Jeremy