In this month’s scripted episode, I take a look at the importance of Habits and Rituals. MUSIC CREDIT: Karl Casey @ White Bat Audio The show is sponsored today by: Seasons of Life Memorials
To read along:
Media Pod Smash Episode #97:
Habits & Rituals
By: Jeremy Jordan
PART 1 – Introduction
When I was in my 20’s, I felt a lot like a frog on PCP. I would hop wildly from lily pad to lily pad. Water would splash up in all directions, other surrounding animals would look on in either disgust or terror; it was chaos. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I was a bit aimless. There were lots of things I tried back then, lots of things I wanted to try as well, but nothing ever stuck. I know that many times in my life, I needed to make a change. There were often some days that I felt were rather desperate and hopeless. Sometimes even pointless. And not pointless like “I see no point in living”, more like, starting the day out with grand goals and ambitions, getting to the end of that day, and achieving none of them. It was then that I’d feel as if I had a pointless day. What made matters worse was that I knew that I had nobody to blame but myself for these lack of accomplished goals.
I would eventually come to realize that there was a bit of a formula; a few small changes and a better observation of my habits and rituals. This was the key to getting myself to the place that I dreamed of getting to. The fucked up hopping disoriented frog on PCP lifestyle didn’t have to be mine forever and wouldn’t be. If any of this resonates with you and you feel trapped in a certain lifestyle right now, that doesn’t have to be yours forever either. I really believe that.
PART 2 – Compounding Bad Habits
I graduated in 2009. The more distanced I get from that year, the more it freaks me out. I can remember much of that summer like it was yesterday. I had dreams of making films, I was full of life, energy and passion. I was ready to take on the fucking world. Cut to: winter of 2011. By this point in time, I had a taste of college and still had no idea what I was doing. On the days that I didn’t have classes, I was working at a shitty, soul-sucking, retail job. I’ve often ranted and raved about this job in the past; hell, even as recently as the last scripted episode but I’d like to just dive in once more and attempt to break down what a typical work day was like back then.
I’d wake up to the default ring of my smart phone’s alarm. It would pierce my ears as I would roll over and swipe the snooze button for the second time. I hate getting up early in general, and winter mornings in Wisconsin just amplified that. On some of the most brutal mornings, I’d wait until the last possible minute that I could, and then rush out of bed like the PCP frog. I’d get myself in order the best that I could and hurry out the door. The place that I worked for at the time had a policy about punching in and out. You could punch in a certain amount of minutes early and you had a 15 or so minute window for punching in after your shift began before they considered it late to work. I used the hell out of that policy. The part about being late obviously. I would usually stroll into work with maybe a few minutes to spare. I’d move like a zombie toward the department that I worked in, dreading what I’d find. This was during a time before I became a manager and had all the glitz and glamour. I was just a lowly associate and my job was to show up at 5ish in the morning, unwrap all the stacked up shit on pallets, and bin or stock the shit. I didn’t always work the early shifts during this time, but when I did, I was never prepared for them and they always wore me out. I didn’t know much about habits back then. I just went with the flow and much of my life just happened. After a few tedious hours of unwrapping, stocking, binning, and repeating, I’d take a break. Often times, I’d sit in the break room and fill out an entry in my journal or sit on my phone at the furthest table with my earbuds in. I’d reflect at these times and worry about my future, sometimes the present too. Though, I never let it eat away at me for very long. I’d always just tell myself that it was temporary and this wasn’t going to be my situation long. I know, I know, that’s what they all say. When break was over, I’d return to my department to grind out the rest of my day until lunch time. After lunch, it was more of the same and that was that.
Around this era was when I started down the nicotine gum road. I may not have known a lot about habits yet, but I would soon be finding out about the consequences of bad ones super quickly. Back in episode 90, I detailed how bad things got with nicotine gum. A simple pharmacy purchase became a multi year spiral. This was one of the many examples of a compounding bad habit that I was dealing with. Lots of poor lifestyle choices became deeply habitual through much of my early 20’s. Had I just taken a few simple steps in another direction, I maybe could’ve cleaned some things up sooner and not have had such shitty workdays. Sure the job may have still sucked, but I’m sure my overall well being could’ve drastically improved. There’s no sense dwelling on the past though. It’s just important that you eventually do get to the solution somehow. It would take me a few years but I did eventually have my aha moment regarding bad habits.
One weekend in January of 2019, I attended a surprise party in the middle of nowhere up north, WI. This was a couple months before deciding to quit nicotine gum once and for all, and changing the course of my life forever. I was drawn into the idea of attending by the allure of good friends in attendance and gambling. After realizing that the gambling wouldn’t be coming until much later in the evening, and much of the day would actually be hanging out with the extended family of the friend, I immediately went for the drinks. Lots of them. To make a long story short, the weather got really nasty around the time that the party started wrapping up. After a long discussion in the kitchen, we went gambling anyway.
It was an extremely anxious drive but another part of my brain was excited as fuck to go gambling. When we arrived, I shot toward a machine and spent the rest of the night drinking cocktails and losing money. The drive home was pretty low energy as the driver concentrated on the snowy, narrow road in front of us. The snow had not let up at all and home was still a ways away. I stared out the window most of the trip, thinking about how this day had really not gone as planned. I was trashed, dejected, and ready to just go home. After finally arriving back to the house, I let out a large sigh of relief but knew I wasn’t out of the woods quite yet.
I set up some bedding in the basement and had a chat with my friend Ryan for a bit. I was too anxious to sleep. I paced around the basement while all of the rowdy party goers completed the process of becoming rowdy and passed out throughout various locations in the house. I had a war going on in my mind. Upon what was probably around the 100th pace, I made a decision to drive home. It was around 4 in the morning and still snowing. Things got dicey on that journey. I dodged a lot of bullets and stretched what should’ve been a 3ish hour drive into closer to a 5ish hour drive.
Upon finally pulling into my driveway that morning, I dragged my bag and myself into my bedroom. I felt how I imagine a meth head would feel as I collapsed into bed. After sleeping away the rest of the morning, and most of the afternoon. I would stand up and stare at myself in the mirror that day, ashamed of who I had become. The years of bad habits had caught up with me and I was at a pretty low, low. I needed to make some changes, and this needed to happened quick.
PART 3 – The Battle For Good Habits
A couple months after the January snow storm incident, I finally decided to make a change. I made the first major positive step towards good habit building and bad habit dropping as I’d decide to quite nicotine gum. I chronicled much of that story in episode 90, so I won’t retread. However, what I didn’t do was dive into much of the how.
Like I said, I never thought much about habits until my bad ones started to spiral. I made several attempts to start new and better ones back in some of those miserable days, but I didn’t know what I was doing. Plus, my heart really wasn’t in it. When things started to take a positive turn, I still didn’t know what I was doing but this time, I had a lot more heart. I had great reasons for change and was determined to make it happen by any means necessary.
The first thing that I did was put up a large wall calendar and a sign that read “consistency is the tunnel to greatness”. This was a quote that I had heard very early on in a motivational speeches compilation that really stuck with me. On top of the calendar I wrote myself an inspirational message and marked the day that I decided I was going to quit nicotine. In the remaining boxes, I filled in whatever important agendas and activities I could think of and was off to the races. I’m a pretty visual person, so seeing future endeavors and past achievements on the large daily wall calendar really helped. I was skeptical of the idea at first, that just a large sheet with some squares would help propel me, but I’d never actually tried before, so it was worth a shot.
In the same room that I had my calendar and quote sign, I also had a blue exercise mat rolled out onto the floor. The mat was a previous purchase from many years back when I had brief flashes of ambition. It was safe to say I wouldn’t need to purchase a new one, as this one had no wear and tear whatsoever.
The first few days of dropping my nicotine habit sucked horribly. I would get set of by small things and never seemed to be able to get comfortable. I learned quickly that the best thing to do right away was to start up a new habit to replace the old. So, on day one, I got to working out on my mat. It was a very crude version of what one may consider working out, but damn it, I was doing it. I started my workouts by doing routines that I found from an online source. I then moved on to using index cards to keep it interesting. Once I got a feel for what I liked to do and what the average session should consist of, I started committing to workout days via my wall calendar.
As you are reading this, you may be thinking to yourself, “easy for you to say. Forming good habits isn’t that simple, Mr. Internet Self-Hep guy”. I would say to you, it absolutely is that simple. Change starts with a decision and one small step in the right direction. As many experts will say, it’s simple but not easy. From my entire childhood into my 20’s, I was an nonathletic, lazy, piece of shit. If I can drop nasty habits and get fit, so can you! You don’t get off the hook that easy. I won’t let that happen. We can do whatever we want to do. It just won’t be easy, and that’s okay.
With each new day, things got easier and I missed nicotine less and less. Another thing that really seemed to help me, was daily goals to complete, along with whatever agendas were on the calendar. The goals were never that crazy and always doable; especially early on. My typical lists would have things like, “Do laundry” or “Clean up the studio”. Not only did it keep my brain occupied, it gave me little wins. The little wins were huge because they lead to boosts in my confidence, and eventually into bigger, more ambitious goals.
As time continues on, it’s still a battle to maintain these habits. Some mornings can be quite a struggle. Though, now that the habits have had time to grow and form, activities like running are well, habitual. Even when it’s not always so comfortable to get after it, my brain knows exactly what to do and never usually lets me down. I knew the struggles it took to get to this point and the good feelings that come with doing the not so easy things. I’ve come too far to ever stop or regress now.
I shared a few tips earlier that helped me in forming good habits, but if I had one to provide in helping to maintain them for the long haul, I’d have to point to the act of rituals.
PART 4 – Rituals
From around the time that I was in middle school and into high school, I would often find myself hiding away in the basement. It was cool in the hot months, there were two TVs with the latest gaming systems, and the best seats available for vegging out in. It was my happy place; my zen. I didn’t realize it at the time, but it was also one of my rituals.
Rituals are extremely helpful in maintaining positive habits and getting yourself into a good frame of mind. Many people involved in the world of self-development and many athletes continually stress the importance of rituals. A good ritual can also turn into a good habit over time, which in turn, helps your other habits continue smoothly. It’s habitception!
I view rituals as a way to reflect on the days events and make sure I’m staying on the right course. One of my favorite rituals is ending my evenings in the hot tub and just chilling out with my thoughts. Many people use mornings and coffee for a ritual. That’s a great ritual too, but it doesn’t have to be limited to the time of day or any activity. You can make it yours and have it be something special to you. If nothing else, it’ll help with balance by giving you some time away from a world this is often times very fast paced and demanding.
PART 5 – The Wrap Up
Today’s inspirational person of the month is Twyanna Williams. At age 65, she received her high school diploma. Not only that, but she was named valedictorian. She was quoted as saying that she was ecstatic and excited to learn of the honor. She went on to say, “I hope I inspire people that are my age and older that’s dropped out of school to go back. It’s not that bad.” Twyanna is definitely an inspiration. She is living proof that it is never too late to go back and do the things you want to do. It’s not too late to rectify certain situations and make things right. With some effort and a positive attitude, anything is possible. I love stories and people like this. When you feel the urge to quit, look for inspiration like this; it may provide a boost and help you keep on pushing through.
Lastly, let’s take a look at last month’s homework. How did it shake out for you? Personally, I had some moments early in my week where mindset came into play right away. One Monday started out a bit rough. Morning came very quickly after a fun and full weekend, and energy levels were in the gutter. As my day continued, I found that things didn’t improve much. The work day was long and though I did find my levels of energy starting to make a low climb out of the musty basement, I felt a lack of zest.
By the end of the work day, I wanted nothing more than to fall face first onto a large, comfy cloud of bedding and pass out, but I pushed through. Lucky for me, I have habits already ingrained but it was still a push. As I finally made it to my house at the end of the day, I shifted my mindset. I reminded myself of the good feelings that would arrive after I just put my head down and went through the motions. Most of the time when I’m feeling “dead tired”, it is usually a fat lie.
The mind will often tell us many big fat lies. Nothing that you and I aren’t capable of overcoming; that I believe. If you struggled with the concept of mindset or just struggled in general this past month, hang in there! It’s a constant practice and it’s not always going to work perfectly.
So this month, the homework is going to be a little more complex than the first assignment. Since the main idea of today’s show was Habits and Rituals, I think you know what is coming next. We are going to pick out one bad habit, drop that sucker, and replace it with a new one. It can be pretty insignificant to start if you’d like. We are going to dive in and take this thing on, together. It may take a little reflecting on what potential changes are needed. When you’ve thought about it, move on with me to the next steps.
Personally, one of the habits I am currently struggling with is my nighttime habits. I’ve got a bit of a bed time appetite and there’s some other elements that I could us a little less of or that could be dropped altogether. Your habit could be completely different from mine but we’ll tackle this together, in the same way.
First, mark a calendar, phone app, or notebook on the day you start your habit breaking journey. This is the start of the momentum. Next, dive in but don’t get too extreme with it. Life change is exciting, but you can start small and still get to those massive results. For instance, for me, maybe I’ll cut off my food intake one hour earlier than before and see how it goes. Then maybe I’ll move onto other things slowly too, like cutting off my smartphone and tech usage at a certain things. As for replacement habits, maybe I can choose to read a book instead of what I would normally do before bed.
If your goal is to get in shape, maybe your small goal for the day could just be to get into the habit of walking around the block once or replacing driving to the store with walking to the store if that’s possible for you. If your first goal was a success, take it up a notch. Keep asking yourself, “is what I’m doing, getting me closer to my destination?”.
Start your day with a reflection on the day before and track how your progress is going. There may be a few hiccups along the way but that’s okay! You are human; everything isn’t always going to come together perfectly right away. But if you can keep persisting in the face of what ever life throws at you, you may just end up shocking yourself. What starts as a small step, becomes another, and then many more until one day you look back and can’t even believe the person you have become. Change was possible for me as it is for us all. You got this. See you next month.
Media Pod Smash off!
Thanks for the continuing support! We are inching very close to 100 and I can’t wait to share the episode with you. It has been coming along very well. Lots of laughs and some great games. In the meantime, stay tuned for some other surprises and episodes along the way.
-Jeremy
Media Pod Smash! 